he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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