Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
