I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
