No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
