I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
