He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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