he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
