The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
