i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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