So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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