Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
