I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
