just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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