Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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