I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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