i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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