WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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