giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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