How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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