And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
