toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so that wasnt chicken after all
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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