He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
