Im at strip club and am horny
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
