goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
