Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
