Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
