Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
