highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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