when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
