but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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