well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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