I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
4 words: hood of his car
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
