now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
