Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
