Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
