Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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