when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
