So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
