On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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