so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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