Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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