Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
