I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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