I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
