You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
