no, he came in my armpit
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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