That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
