So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
