Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
