I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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