Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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