I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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