She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
