whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
